Engaging Conflict (Conflict Series 4 of 6)

Once you have taken responsibility for your role in the conflict, it may be necessary to talk with others about their failures. This brings us to the next principle, learning to engage the offender with wisdom. In many situations, if the offense is minor, the best way to resolve the conflict is simply to overlook it. In Proverbs 9:11, we read, "A man's wisdom gives him patience. It is to his glory to overlook an offense." The Apostle Paul writes, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

When you overlook the offenses others commit against you, you are reflecting God's forgiveness of you, but there are some problems that will only become worse if you failed to confront them directly. When is a sin too serious to overlook? Author Ken Sande in his excellent book Peacemaker writes that a sin is too serious to overlook if 1) it is dishonoring to God 2) it has damaged your relationship 3) it is hurting or might hurt other people and 4) it is hurting the offender and diminishing that person's usefulness to God.

In such situations, Jesus requires us to confront such a person in a gracious yet firm manner. In Matthew 18, Jesus says, "If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother." In Matthew 18, Jesus gives us a remarkable, detailed step-by-step process through which we are to confront someone in a sin that cannot be overlooked. The key principle we learned from Jesus teaching here is that the knowledge of a person's sin should always be kept to the smallest group possible. The goal of this process he outlines here is for the person to be restored at the first stage of a private one-on-one discussion.

Often, the key to effective personal confrontation is for the one confronting first to have taken to heart Paul's words in Galatians 6:1, "If a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each one looking to yourself, lest you too will be tempted." Notice here in Jesus' instructions that he doesn't tell us how many times we're to go to someone in private. This means it could be that we keep going to them in private day after day, week after week, month after month, pursuing reconciliation. 

A friend of mine once told me the story of how he was compelled to go to someone once and confront him regarding a serious sin. The man who was confronted became very angry and defensive. He denied this sin. He refused to repent. My friend backed off and left him alone. Later, the man in sin came to his senses, realized his sin and repented. My friend was thrilled, but he told me he was also saddened because the man said to him, "Why did you stop confronting me? Why didn't you love me enough to keep challenging me and keep calling me to repentance even asking others for assistance if necessary?"

The scripture say, "Blessed are the wounds of a friend." If the offender refuses to repent, Jesus then commands us to ask others to get involved. He goes on to say, "If he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses, every fact may be confirmed." Note here another key principle, the confrontation must keep increasing in strength until there is resolution.

Jesus makes very clear in these words that this process must not stop until there is a resolution one way or another. Who are these one or two others that you should take with you? This should not be just any one or two people. It's normally best to bring one or two people with you that the person respects and that the person believes truly cares for them.

The goal here is not slander, not gossip. In fact, the only person you should ever talk to about this offense is someone you were asking to assist you in coming to them to seek reconciliation. Never forget the goal in all this is restoration and clarity. This one or two others may be able to see the conflict with greater clarity and confirm how great the offense is or they might be able to affirm your misunderstanding of the offense and that it's hardly as serious as you may have thought.

What happens if this person still doesn't hear and those two people believe this is a serious offense? They say it is a serious sin that defames the name Christ, and this person will not repent. Jesus says, "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax gatherer." Now, by telling this to the church does not mean that you are to stand up in a public assembly or worship and broadcast this news to the church at large. It means you go to the church leaders. Those who will give an account for your soul. 

As Hebrews 13:17 says that these church leaders would then come in on behalf of the church body and they would help you and the one or two others reconcile this or confirm this. What if the church leaders also identify this sin, call this person to repent and they refuse to listen? Jesus said, "If he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax gatherer." Jesus is not saying here that you now are to shun this person and be mean to them. What was Jesus called? A friend of tax gatherers and sinners.

This means you must see this person as no longer a follower of Christ, as someone outside of the body of Christ. This means you must mobilize the entire body of Christ to love them back into a right relationship with God and the church body. Never forget the goal of church discipline is restoration.

This is how to respond to church conflict in a way that honors God and keeps his purposes in view.

Owning Conflict (Conflict Series 5 of 6)

Church leaders are called to strive for unity in the body of Christ. The apostle Paul writes to the Ephesian church, “I therefore a prisoner for the Lord urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” 

The apostle Peter also writes, “so I exert the elders among you as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed shepherd the flock of God that is among you. Exercising oversight not under compulsion but willingly as God would have you not for shameful gain but eagerly. Not domineering over those in your charge but being examples to the flock.”

One of the most significant ways that church leaders can serve as examples to the flock is through their repentance. Pastor and author Jack Miller used to call church leaders to be the chief repenters in their churches modeling repentance and confession, especially before other church leaders. Only through the Gospel can we find the power to be criticized and then to humble ourselves and confess our sins to others no matter what their response might be to us.

It's been said that one of the most liberating acts in life is to confess your sin, not only to God but to another person. The Bible says, “confess your sins to one another and be healed.” I'm afraid many leaders have never been taught how to confess our sins. Again, Ken Sande in his excellent book, Peacemaker outlines a seven-fold description of genuine confession that I think you'll find helpful. 

The first mark of a genuine confession is to address everyone you have affected by your sin, not just one that you've hurt the most. Almost always our sin has affected more than one person. 

A second mark is to avoid half-hearted confessions that are often conditional. Never say, “if I offended you I am sorry” or “I'm sorry I said that, but you really upset me.” A genuine confession is normally marked by no defense of your offense.

Another mark of a genuine confession is that you admit your sin specifically. You don't say, “I know I have not been a good team member.” And saying instead something like, “I know I've had a very negative attitude that has hurt the team and hurt the church.” 

A fourth mark of a genuine confession is to apologize for hurting others in a way that demonstrates your sincere sorrow. Saying something like, “I'm truly sorry I failed to keep my commitment to you.” This is not a time for vague generalities but for very specific apologies.

A fifth mark is to state explicitly the consequences of your actions, showing that you aren't simply apologizing to be released from your responsibilities. You should be able to say things like, “it makes me very sad to think of how you must have felt and the pain you must have experienced as a result of what I said.” 

A sixth mark of a genuine confession is for you to explain very specifically how you plan to alter your behavior in the future. You should be able to say something like, “I've now begun to see someone to help me deal with the root of this problem so that I can be more likely not to hurt others as I have hurt you.”

Finally, do not force an admission of forgiveness from the person. Allow time for healing. Sometimes people who have been deeply wounded may not be able to forgive you at the time that you ask. Sometimes it can very selfish and unloving to ask the question,” Well, do you forgive me?” Instead your role in that situation is to ensure that person of your understanding and your willingness to do whatever it takes to restore your relationship no matter how much time it may take.

Overcoming Conflict (Conflict Series 6 of 6)

The final step in resolving all conflicts is to forgive those who sin against you and be reconciled to them. It's been said that to be reconciled means to replace hostility and separation with peace and friendship. The personal offenses that separate you from another person must be laid to rest through your confession and your forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is not merely a feeling. It is primarily a decision, an act of the will, that God calls you to make, often in spite of your feelings. Forgiveness is always costly, just like it cost God something great, in his Son, to forgive you. It will always cost you something great to forgive someone else. The person who has wronged you is in your debt until you decide to release that debt you've been holding on to. Forgiveness is a costly choice for you, but a choice that always pays the giver rich dividends.

What is this decision we are to make when we forgive someone? To forgive someone means you will no longer dwell on the incident. When it comes to your mind, you will intentionally, purposefully work so as not to allow yourself to dwell on it. Secondly, to forgive means that you will not bring up this incident again and use it against the person. It also means you will not talk to others about it. Thirdly, to forgive someone means that you will not allow this incident to hinder your personal relationship with this person.

Now, some of you were thinking, "I'm so hurt, how can I ever do that?" Well, I've got good news. There is great hope. God promises to give you all the power you need to forgive, a power beyond yourself, through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. The Bible says Jesus was tempted in all things, yet without sin. That means he was tempted not to forgive you for all the sins you have committed against him, not to pay the price that was required for your forgiveness, but with great suffering, he resisted that temptation and willingly allowed all of God's punishment for your sin to be placed on him so that all of his righteousness could be counted to you.

Also, that when you face the same temptation he once faced, the temptation not to forgive someone who sinned against you, you would find in his forgiveness of you the power to forgive those who have sinned against you. Your ability to forgive is directly related to your understanding of God's love for you in Christ, and your understanding of God's love for you in Christ is directly related to your understanding of how big a sinner you really are. He who is forgiven little, loves little, but he who is forgiven much, loves much.

If your understanding of the gospel is that you have only been forgiven a little, then you will only be able to forgive a little, but when your understanding of the gospel begins to grow so that you start seeing that you have been forgiven much, then and only then, will you be supernaturally empowered to forgive much, but if you try to forgive others solely on your own, you will never be able to do it. If you will begin repenting of your sin, drawing near to your savior in faith-filled worship, and then dare to step out and act in obedience, I promise you, on the authority of God's word, that he will give you a supernatural power to forgive anyone for anything.

Planter and Sending Models (Models Series 1 of 5)

In this article we begin the transition from the more conceptual realm of things like Vision, Mission, Philosophy and Purpose, Values and Styles to the more practical realm of developing church planting Models.

We're using the word Models to describe ministry approaches and strategies. In this lesson we are answering the question, "What will be our ministry approaches and strategies to church planting and renewal?" In this article we're exploring four types of models: planter models, sending models, parenting models and ministry models.

Let's look first at planter models. There are two questions that every church planter should deliberately seek to answer. One, do I plan to leave or stay after my church is planted or established? Two, do I plan to be solo or have a paid leadership team at the beginning? In 1 Corinthians 3:6 Paul writes, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth." Paul clearly understood that church planting is God's work, but he also recognized how God chose to use him and Apollos in different ways in planting and growing the church at Corinth.

Now, some church planters are called and gifted to be starters, others are called and gifted to be builders. Church planters who only stay with the church they've planted until the church is established or indigenous have the advantage of planting other churches in their lifetime and broadening the impact of their ministry that way. The church planters who stay with the church they've planted long-term, sometimes even decades, normally have the advantage of having a deeper long-term impact on their immediate community.

Neither type of church planter is necessarily better than the other. They're just different sets of gifts and callings. We call the starter the catalytic planter and the builder the founding planter. One of the decisions you need to make at this stage is how you are answering the question do you plan to leave or stay after your church is planted or established. Are you going to be a catalytic planter, planning to leave once the church is established, or a founding planter, planning to stay with the church long-term?

The next category of planter model is determining whether you are going to be solo or team. Another important question worthy of exploration is whether you think you may have the gifts, calling and resources to plant a church on your own as a solo planter, or if you think your gifts, calling and resources are such that you should only plant a church in close partnership with other paid leaders, a team planter. The financial model for both the solo and team planter can range all the way from part-time, bi-vocational tentmaker to full time with full financial support. The same is true of members of the team accompanying the team church planter.

Building on the determination of your planter model and taking the next steps for how that model will be implemented practically requires you to determine your anticipated sending model. Church planters normally use one of four sending models by which they are sent out to plant a new church. The solo model is where the planter is sent out alone, and no core group exists in the ministry focus area.

The team model is where the planter is sent out with a leadership team, and again there is normally no core group in the ministry focus area.

The core model is where the planter is sent out with a core group, or to a core group already existing in the ministry focus area.

Then there are hybrid models that combine team and core where the planter is sent out with a leadership team and a core group, or with a leadership team to a core group already existing in the ministry focus area.

Even if you have the gifts, calling and resources to begin the church planting process alone, in other words before you develop a core group and a leadership team, you will eventually need a leadership team and a core group of families who are committed to help you plant this new church. The key question is when do you need to have a core group and a leadership team. Of course the answer is always as soon as possible.

Church Parenting Models (Models Series 2 of 5)

In this article, we now shift our focus from the planter models and the sending models to the parenting models. Here we examine common ways that the established or sponsored churches can help plant or parent new churches. Similar to the church planter model options of being a solo planter or team planter, in the same way, the parenting models can either be solo parenting or team parenting.

Solo parenting is when a single church plants a church. Team parenting is when more than one church partner to start a church. Just like in church planter team planting, the team approach is normally the most effective for most churches. The solo parenting model is normally limited to larger churches. They make up less than 10% of a global church.

Once you have decided if you're going to use the solo or team parenting model, then you normally choose between four basic models of parenting a new church from an existing church. The first model is called the branching model. Here the church is planting a church in their same area or city, neighborhood or region. The new church may even target the same ministry focus group as a sponsoring church, or a dissimilar ministry focus group.

The next model is called the colonizing model. This is planting a church in another area outside of the parenting church, outside of their city, neighborhood or region. The new church may focus on the same ministry focus group as a sponsoring church or a dissimilar ministry focus group. A distinguishing mark here is that ministry focus group is in another area.

A third parenting model is called the satellite or multi-site model. This is when one church plants new ministry congregations but does not view those new congregations as separate churches, but as satellite or sites of the same church. The new sites may focus on the same ministry focus group as the sponsoring church, or dissimilar ministry focus group.

A fourth parenting model is called the segregation model. This involves planting a church within the church, often using the same church facilities but at different times. The purpose is normally to serve a dissimilar ministry focus group. An example would be a Hispanic church starting an Anglo church within the church using the same church facilities so they might serve that part of their community that their Hispanic church is not being effective reaching.

Oftentimes church planters are being sent out not from a church or a group of churches, but from a sending agency or organization. In such cases, it is still very important for church planters to understand which parenting model they will be adopting in their ministry focus group; to plant grow and multiply gospel centered churches.

Ministry Model Components (Models Series 3 of 5)

So far in this module we've taken a look at planter models, sending models, and parenting models. For the remaining part of this lesson our focus is on ministry models. In developing your ministry model, you're beginning to answer the question, how will my church ministries work together?

Now it's often helpful to start at the end and work backwards or to begin with the end in mind. Envision a picture in your mind of what you would like your church to look like in two years. Be both visionary and realistic here. This is not meant to be a picture of your dream church or what you would like the church to look like if everything goes perfectly. It's also not meant to be a picture of what you envision your church will look like in five or 10 years. Instead, picture in your mind the time when your church has just reached the maturity level of having the essential gospel ministries in place to be considered a healthy young church.

The ministries may not be very well developed, but they are at least there in seminal form and developing toward further stability and maturity. With this realistic vision in mind, in this article, you are going to create a ministry model flowchart. It will be most helpful if you do this with a document or on a sheet of paper to visualize the dynamics at work showing how you are planning to have your major ministries relate to each other.

A ministry flowchart is a diagram of all your churches future major ministries, showing how the key components relate to one another in the process of helping people grow towards spiritual maturity. A ministry flowchart depicts the logical ministry sequence by which people move from being unbelievers to being fully mature church leaders.

Now this is not a strategic planning chart to help you understand how you will get from where you are today to where your church needs to be in two years. We'll do this later. Instead, this is meant to be a snapshot of what you would like the church to look like after your initial few years of church planting ministry.

Before you begin this exercise, it's important to know that there are many different ways to create a flowchart like this. There's no infallible example to follow and often how the various aspects of a church fit together will depend on your unique cultural or stylistic factors that we have already studied. As you do this you are meant to be drawing from all the work you've done previously, especially with your mission and purpose statements. Based on the style's articles that you have completed, let's look at two examples of a ministry models flowchart.

The first is a flowchart for an attractional model. The focus is on drawing people in through what we called earlier, the front door of the church. This ministry model is meant to show a sequence of ministry development moving from the left to the right. You're meant to see here a sequence of ministries beginning with outreach ministries on the left side moving all the way through to leadership development ministries on the right side. Here you are meant to see a logical ministry sequence through which people are brought from being unbelievers to being fully devoted followers of Christ and leaders in a local church. Notice on the left side of this flowchart the outreach ministries.

Those are meant to channel people into attraction events and then worship in celebration, from which people are directed to a newcomer's class or other events seeking to lead them eventually into a small group and then involvement in some form of ministry and leadership development. If you look closely you'll see how all the biblical purposes are displayed in these components. The purposes of worship, discipleship, fellowship, and outreach. They're all here and they have all been designed to relate effectively to one another representing an intentional discipleship pathway leading someone from being an uninterested unbeliever to being a fully devoted follower of Christ and leader in the church.

Next, let's look at a second example. This one is a flowchart that is an example of a scattering model or what we called earlier the side door model. In this model, rather than seeing ministry sequence in a linear fashion from the left to the right, this model shows ministry sequence from above to below. Notice how in this model, corporate worship is very set apart from outreach. Rather than focusing primarily on attraction events and worship and celebration for outreach, the focus in this model is more on the mobilization of ministry teams doing outreach ministries through cell groups. Just as we saw in our study of ministry styles earlier, your ministry model flowchart will always have both dynamics of front door and side door represented. It's just normally helpful for you to know which of these dynamics is most effective in your unique cultural context.

Now you're ready to begin the exercise. In the next article, I'll begin to walk you through in great detail, step-by-step, the process that you can take to begin developing your first draft ministry model.