How Do I Understand Conflict?: Managing Conflict Series Part 1
Series: Managing Conflict, Part 1
Author: Dr. Steven L. Childers
Title: How Do I Understand Conflict?
Having personal conflict with others is an inevitable part of ministry. The question is not whether you will face conflict in ministry, it's simply when you will face it and how you will respond. There are a few things as sad as a church leader who is a person of great character, exceptional knowledge and skills but because they do not know how to manage conflict wisely in a godly manner, they lose everything and the ministry fails.
We must not try to eliminate conflict or avoid it, but rather learn how to respond in a way that honors God when it comes our way. Because most churches are relatively small, they're very vulnerable to conflict. The smaller the organization, the more vulnerable it is to attack by an antagonist. The smaller the arena, the more prominent are the individuals in it. So, church planters and missionaries are especially vulnerable.
There is a direct relationship between change and conflict in ministry. A growing church is, by nature, a changing church and conflict is usually the consequence of change. But people don't like change and that's universal. As leaders, this means you should anticipate conflict as a normal part of leading a ministry through the process of growth and change. As a leader, you must be committed to being a change agent for Christ and his kingdom. This means you're always managing conflict, one way or another. You're either in the middle of a conflict, just coming out of one, or trying to prevent the next one that is coming all the time.
Even though most conflict is caused by a relatively small percentage of people in your ministry, it has the potential to disrupt and even destroy your ministry. Conflict can obliterate the presence of God's love. Understanding the potential power of a church’s love before the watching world, Jesus said "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I've loved you, that you also love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." The very reputation of Christ is affected by the way we handle conflict.
Conflict can also greatly endanger a church's health. The writer of the book of Hebrews warns us, "Make every effort to live in peace, with all men and to be holy. Without holiness, no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Strife and dissension in ministry, like an unseen, bitter root can bring great defilement on many. In 2 Timothy 2, the Apostle Paul refers to destructive words in the church that spread like gangrene, a repulsive image, but one that is painfully accurate that we must never forget.
And conflict can greatly harm the church leader.
Here's what one church leader wrote in his journal, regarding the trauma of ministry conflict: "I just feel angry sometimes, angry at that individual, angry at the congregation, angry at the leaders for seemingly deserting me. Angry at myself and sometimes livid with God for allowing this to happen. Mostly though, I feel afraid, very much afraid. I'm afraid of being unable to cope, I'm afraid of what people will say, I'm afraid I will lose my job. And yet sometimes I feel like quitting, just throwing in the towel and saying, ‘there God, if you won't take care of me, then forget about me taking care of them.’ And then I feel sorry for myself and then I feel ashamed when I realize I'm dreaming about revenge. That's not me, but it is me. The whole thing upsets me so much that I'm obsessed with it. I get so that I can't sleep at night. The longer it has worn on, the more tense I have grown. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. It has spread slowly like poison to contaminate every part of my life."
You can feel the pain of this church leader as you hear these words, and some of you identify deeply with him. I have very good news, because of the gospel there is great hope in the face of conflict, no matter how bad it may seem.