How Do I Forgive Someone Who Wronged Me? (Managing Conflict, Part 6)
Series: Managing Conflict (Part 6)
Author: Dr. Steven L. Childers
Title: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Wronged Me?
The final step in resolving all conflicts is to forgive those who sin against you and be reconciled to them. It's been said that to be reconciled means to replace hostility and separation with peace and friendship. The personal offenses that separate you from another person must be laid to rest through your confession and your forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not merely a feeling. It is primarily a decision, an act of the will, that God calls you to make, often in spite of your feelings. Forgiveness is always costly, just like it cost God something great, in his Son, to forgive you. It will always cost you something great to forgive someone else. The person who has wronged you is in your debt until you decide to release that debt you've been holding on to. Forgiveness is a costly choice for you, but a choice that always pays the giver rich dividends.
What is this decision we are to make when we forgive someone? To forgive someone means you will no longer dwell on the incident. When it comes to your mind, you will intentionally, purposefully work so as not to allow yourself to dwell on it. Secondly, to forgive means that you will not bring up this incident again and use it against the person. It also means you will not talk to others about it. Thirdly, to forgive someone means that you will not allow this incident to hinder your personal relationship with this person.
Now, some of you were thinking, "I'm so hurt, how can I ever do that?" Well, I've got good news. There is great hope. God promises to give you all the power you need to forgive, a power beyond yourself, through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. The Bible says Jesus was tempted in all things, yet without sin. That means he was tempted not to forgive you for all the sins you have committed against him, not to pay the price that was required for your forgiveness, but with great suffering, he resisted that temptation and willingly allowed all of God's punishment for your sin to be placed on him so that all of his righteousness could be counted to you.
Also, that when you face the same temptation he once faced, the temptation not to forgive someone who sinned against you, you would find in his forgiveness of you the power to forgive those who have sinned against you. Your ability to forgive is directly related to your understanding of God's love for you in Christ, and your understanding of God's love for you in Christ is directly related to your understanding of how big a sinner you really are. He who is forgiven little, loves little, but he who is forgiven much, loves much.
If your understanding of the gospel is that you have only been forgiven a little, then you will only be able to forgive a little, but when your understanding of the gospel begins to grow so that you start seeing that you have been forgiven much, then and only then, will you be supernaturally empowered to forgive much, but if you try to forgive others solely on your own, you will never be able to do it. If you will begin repenting of your sin, drawing near to your savior in faith-filled worship, and then dare to step out and act in obedience, I promise you, on the authority of God's word, that he will give you a supernatural power to forgive anyone for anything.